I am writing another book. Yep!
I said I wasn’t going to do it again (writing a 65,000 word book is a seriously BIG deal), but it turns out the Universe has other ideas.
I have no deadline this time and I’m taking it slow. It will be ready when it’s ready! I’m very much going with the flow.
I’ve been busy writing my prologue about my younger years and thought I would share it with you today because my story might just resonate with you and give you some encouragement to keep pushing forward on your business journey.
Please note, that what I’m sharing is very personal to me so please read with an open heart.
And most importantly, remember this. I am you; just a few more years down the line. There is no such thing as an over night success in business, everyone has their lessons to learn and overcome. Everyone is on their own unique path. Hope you enjoy and find it of some comfort.
I spent the first 25 years of my life looking for something that I couldn’t name, understand or articulate. From a very young age, I felt a deep calling within, which I couldn’t comprehend. I knew that I was somehow different from my peers. I was an old soul who could feel people’s pain, and I was heavily influenced by the energies of those around me. School was a real challenge for me because the traditional academic system didn’t support my learning style. I spent most of my younger years floundering and trying to keep my head above the muddy waters.
Most of the time I felt like I was drowning. One teacher even told my mother, “She’s a lovely girl, but I don’t think she’ll ever be a high flyer!” I was constantly being told that I wasn’t quite good enough, I walked out into the world, aged 16, feeling like a fraud. I thought that I had to conceal the awful truth about my inadequacies. And I know that my story is not unique.
In a constant bid to prove to the world that I was good enough, I had a steely determination to prove my worth. Highly ambitious and highly competitive, I worked hard at whatever I put my mind to. I was the kind of kid who always had to put in way more effort than everyone else, and I often looked at my peers with real envy as they completed their work with ease. I would spend weeks and weeks revising for an exam, yet I would still fail miserably. I could double check my assignments over and over yet still be downgraded for my poor grammar and spelling. I felt like I didn’t meet the mark. I didn’t fit the mould and I was a disappointment. I didn’t believe in myself and I ran away from the world of academia as fast as I could.
When I was a child, my mother would always push me out front. She would encourage me to ask for things in shops, articulate myself to strangers and make new friends wherever I went. My mum gave me the strength to forge my own way through the jungle of life, and this made me a very strong, independent and reliable girl. This was a huge blessing as it made me a confident youngster with a charm and innocence that people often found endearing. People took me under their wing in a bid to protect and nurture me. But this innocence and charm was a cloak of disguise, because I truly believed that if people knew who I really was, they would be as disappointed as my teachers and parents. It was a big burden to carry.
As I progressed into adulthood, I looked to my peers to help me define myself. I compared myself to my friends, wanted what they had and wore what they wore. I was a sheep. I married and bought a house at the tender age of 22. By 25, I was a marketing manager for a large automotive brand and had just become a mother to my beautiful daughter. I had crammed a lot into my 25 years. But the more I achieved, the more lost I felt. Something didn’t add up.
I remember one evening lying in the bath…
…and having a horrible, scary thought. As I looked back at my life, I realised that I had already done more than most people do in a lifetime. I’d travelled, started a challenging career, married, bought a house, possessed lovely material things and had a baby… but all these wonderful things still hadn’t filled the mysterious void in my life. I was desperately looking for something, but how can you find something when you haven’t a clue what you’re looking for? I felt desperate. I felt lost. I had no idea what was missing, but clearly sometime big was amiss.
When my daughter was six-months-old, I returned to work and resumed my old identity in the corporate world. But something had shifted inside of me. I was a mother now and having a baby really does rock your world and change the landscape of your life. I recall one my closest colleagues bounding into my office one morning in her normal bright, cheery way. She was waving a rather bright yellow book under my nose called ‘Excuse Me, Your Life is Waiting’ by Lynn Grabhorn. She had read it while on holiday and told me how amazing and life changing it was. Immediately, it was apparent to me that this was some kind of self-help book, and I wasn’t particularly interested having never read anything in this genre before. But not wanting to pour cold water on her enthusiasm, I took the book and promised I’d take a look. It sat on my kitchen worktop for weeks before guilt and obligation overtook me enough to pick it up.
I sat down one evening and started reading…
…just a few pages in, I was captivated. No other book had grabbed me like this. Its content resonated within me deeply. I felt a connection, I felt alive and I felt a truth rising through me. This was something that I had never experienced before. I knew that I had opened the door to a new world. This was the catalyst to my transformation. A switch had been flicked and a doorway had opened. There was no going back.
In the months that followed, I surrounded myself with books on quantum physics, neuroscience, self-love, metaphysics, psychology, healing and angels. And I also discovered meditation. I was hungry for knowledge, and I had never felt this way about anything in my life. A deep burning passion was roaring inside me and each new book fuelled my fire more. I hadn’t a clue where all this new information was leading me, but I knew that it was guiding me somewhere. I realised that
I was on the brink of something really big. Meanwhile, my husband and family were watching from afar and my shift was making them very uncomfortable. The girl who loved nothing better than to curl up on the sofa with a trashy novel was now devouring books on quantum mechanics. I could understand their apprehension!
Through my avid reading and new-found meditation practice…
…I discovered an almighty truth and power within me that has allowed me to become the creator of my life. And through this, the void has been filled. The something I had been looking and longing for has been finally found. I discovered my place in the world, and it felt like I had come home. Finally I got it. It was like I had been trying to navigate my way through life with a faulty flash torch, only for it to be put on to full beam, allowing me to see the bigger picture. I understood.
I was awake and could see clearly.
The more I meditated and tapped in to this inner power the more I discovered about my true purpose in life. Slowly but surely the pieces of the jigsaw finally came together.
The small, crazy business idea I had back in 2006 has turned out to the biggest transformation of my life.
In the last ten years I’ve spent as a coach/mentor/speaker, I have worked with some truly amazing clients, written and published two books, been featured in pretty much all the UK’s national women’s magazines, travelled to many exciting places, spoken on stage with some of the world’s leading gurus and helped thousands of people to improve their lives in the process.
It’s been a wild journey of highs and lows (maybe that’s a story for another post). There have been many occasions when I’ve thought how it would be easier if I just went back to the day job. There have been moments when I’ve been terrified at the prospect of stepping out on stage, and there have been times when I’ve had to take huge leaps of faith to invest financially in my business. There have been many moments of fear and trepidation and many ones of sheer exhilaration and joy.
But above all my business successes over the years, my greatest achievement…
… without a doubt, is that I’ve been able to be at home to watch my babies grow. They are 11 and 7 now (not so much babies any more) and I have been there for every milestone: every new tooth, school run and runny nose. Running a business from home isn’t always easy, but it has certainly brought the freedom and flexibility that only being your own boss can provide.
And I wouldn’t change that for the world.
I love my work. And if I won the lottery tomorrow I’d still do this. I’d still write. I’d still work with my clients. And yes I’d definitely buy more shoes!
Growing a business takes guts, persistence and faith in yourself that you have what it takes to make a difference.
I suppose the reason I’m sharing my personal journey with you is to show you that no matter what your background, no matter how educated you are or how confident you are, YOU ARE HERE WITH A DIVINE PURPOSE. And it is your job, in fact your mission to make it happen.
If you’re waiting for a ‘sign’ then this is it! This is your sign to step up and live on purpose!
Much love to you.